My husband and I were driving in the car recently and he started singing, “Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m 64.” We have been together a long time, and he followed up by saying that when we were teens, 64 seemed very old. Not so much now. This is our 64th year. Time flies. Very fast.
I look at growing older as a gift. That gift comes with challenges and change, and for some those challenges and changes can seem insurmountable. Loneliness, social isolation, physical, medical, and mental deterioration, and for some, regret. This is the first in a series of blogs focusing on suggestions for successfully navigating your “third act” (Fonda, 2011).
Part I Loneliness and Social Isolation
You are not alone. A 2023 national poll found that nearly 35% of older adults in the US reported experiencing social isolation or loneliness (Gerlach, Solway, & Malani, 2024). There is a difference between social isolation and loneliness. Loneliness is a subjective, distressing feeling defined as the difference between our desired and actual engagement with others. In other words, we can feel lonely, “alone or separated” from others with or without others around. The frequency and quantity of contacts can objectively measure social isolation. The NIH defines it as “the lack of social contacts and having few people to interact with regularly.” Recent studies have found that social isolation is more damaging, both emotionally and physically than loneliness. The good news is that improving your social connectedness can improve your health and positively impact your longevity (National Institute on Aging, 2024).
So how can you improve your social connectedness?
What can you do when your social circle has changed? How do we meet new people in our later years? I can’t tell you how many people I have seen who have said, “I can’t (or won’t) go to the Senior Center, it’s full of old people!” Senior centers are worth a try! You can go with someone if you are hesitant to try it alone. Many cities and towns have vibrant senior centers. There are book clubs, health, fitness, and wellness programs, outings, classes of all kinds, including technology and art events like casino nights, trivia programs, sports tailgating, and game and card nights. You can also volunteer instead of joining in with activities if that is more comfortable for you.
Speaking of volunteering, there are countless opportunities to share your time and skills with others. Many towns need help with rides for medical appointments, meal delivery, and staff for food banks. You could foster animals or knit or crochet blankets and hats for newborns. Check out some of the worthy organizations listed below for volunteer ideas and opportunities.
Why not learn something new?
In addition to local senior centers, many colleges and universities offer free or discounted courses both virtually and in person. Local activities can be found through REI if you like the outdoors and through MeetUp, a web-based, locally focused platform designed to help you find people like you and to share interests, network, and participate in events. Local libraries often offer programs, from film nights and book clubs to lecture series and volunteer opportunities. Religious centers also often have programming, study, and volunteer opportunities. These are all offered through various platforms, including in-person, hybrid, and Zoom.
Who can I talk to?
You can also reach out for help from a friend, family member, religious leader, or therapist. Individual therapy and group therapy can provide guidance and support as you navigate the challenges and the gifts of your third act. If you’re interested in beginning, CPG offers both individual therapy and an older adult support group.
“Humans are inherently social” (Young, 2008). Getting connected can improve your mental and physical health and fill your days. Commit to making one new connection this month and see where it takes you. You never know. You may just find what or who you have been looking for.
RESOURCES
Volunteer Opportunities
AmeriCorps Seniors Program, Pathfinder
Meals on Wheels or call your local senior center
Learn Something New
AARP’s Senior Planet Online Classes
Carnegie Mellon Open Learning Initiative
Harvard Open Learning Experience
Learning in Retirement (LIRA), UMass Lowell
Connect with Others
Additional Resources:
NIH Loneliness & Social Isolation Booklet
NIH, “Stay Connected to Combat Loneliness & Social Isolation”
CRISIS LINE: Massachusetts Behavioral Health Line: Call or Text 833-773-2335, 24/7 including holidays, Crisis Line, dial 988
References
Fonda, J. (2011). Life’s third act. Www.ted.com. https://www.ted.com/talks/jane_fonda_life_s_third_act
Gerlach LB, Solway ES, Malani PN. Social Isolation and Loneliness in Older Adults. JAMA. 2024;331(23):2058. doi:10.1001/jama.2024.3456
National Institute on Aging. (2024, July 11). Loneliness and Social Isolation — Tips for Staying Connected. National Institute on Aging. https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/loneliness-and-social-isolation/loneliness-and-social-isolation-tips-staying-connected
Young S. N. (2008). The neurobiology of human social behaviour: an important but neglected topic. Journal of psychiatry & neuroscience : JPN, 33(5), 391–392.
Aileen Peters, Psy.D. is a clinical psychologist at Cambridge Psychology Group. Dr. Peters received her Psy.D. in Clinical Psychology from William James College with a concentration in Geropsychology. In addition to individual therapy for adults, Dr. Peters leads LifeLines, a support group for older adults.